I Hope I Grow Into Growing Older

It took so long

To realize

And I can still hear

Her last goodbyes

Now all my days

Are filled with tears

Wish I could go back

And change these years

I'm going through changes

by Black Sabbath - 'Changes'

I have become kinda addicted to action movies. Earlier, I could watch any kind of movie - action, old westerns, romantic comedies etc etc. I asked myself - why the change in preference? The only answer I came up with was that I was growing older and action movies made feel - you know - kick ass. The adrenaline, the recklessness, the ability to move your body the way you would at a superb physical condition (I like the combination of those words).

I do feel that I'm at a pretty good phase though. Well paying job (can afford Scotch), two cars, rented apartment at a nice location in Delhi, platinum card which if lost could cause a serious hole, the best family and the best wife in the world, wonderful dependable friends... If you read my last post, you would know that I ran a half marathon in 2 hrs:4 mins and that my friend is a pretty good timing. Even then, there is a nagging fear in my mind. Most of the time it comes up when I see my parents. Its not easy to see that there is not a single black hair left, a little loss of memory, a little less sure of themselves. It does happen so very often that I call them up and ask where they have been and they would be going or coming from a funeral. I know, very morbid.

At one time, I asked myself - what is the mark I have left on this earth? A billion people in India, six billion i the world, living RIGHT NOW. Forget about the ones who died. Whom do I remember - Adam, Eve, the rest of the biblical characters, the Good Lord, Napoleon, the Indian Freedom fighters, Adolf Hitler, Muhammed Ali, Mariah Carey? Whose gonna remember me? So I toyed with the idea of doing 'charity'. Step out, use my weekends, help the underprivileged. I am ashamed to say I didn't do a thing. In fact, my wife's cousin asked me to organise funds for charity as a part of my run and I didn't raise a paisa. I was busy at work and barely had the time to train but the fact is I completely forgot about it.

Coming back to the topic - I wish I could freeze frame life right now but I like the way each day unfold into the next (unless I haven't slept enough). Something new comes up else my routine keeps me going. Some of it is good like our new Nikon SLR camera. Some of it makes me feel older - like the dance class we joined where 90% of the batch consisted of 12+ students. I mean, what do you relate to? Its all good mate especially when you use a few few angles to beat the young uns :) So hit the gym, listen to some hip-hop, shake a leg, have a drink, make the ones you love feel special - that's my formulae. Whats yours?